excuse me while I complain

I haven't written in a while (obviously).

I haven't had much to say.  I've been home, doing not much of anything and I hate it.  the dizziness still comes and goes.  for no good reason.  I've quit trying to understand it.

I haven't been doing much about it, either, though.  that's probably a bad thing.  but I'm just frustrated and, aside from Stacy, absolutely NOBODY could give a wild you-know-what (controlling myself) about how I'm doing or how my life is going or just anything at all. so I don't care anymore.

yeah, it's one of THOSE days.  why?  I'll tell you why.  because people say stupid things to me and expect me to suddenly NOT be dizzy and back to the way things used to be or

they just don't talk to me at all

nice

it's not that I'm complaining about being dizzy.

it's that they say stuff like, "why aren't you driving?" or "any job yet?"

I'm pretty much talking about my mother, I guess.

because nobody else calls at all.

I went to a rheumatologist to see if I can get better treatment for my fibromyalgia.  she said she "wanted to get to know me better."  that is doctor code for, "let me make sure you are not a drug addict before I give you different medications."  which, in my case is ridiculous, because if she just took a look at what I was taking right now, she could see I was not taking ONE addictive medication.  hell, she could give me a drug test, or get my records from other doctors.  instead, she is wasting my time.  so, I continue to be in pain, have sleeping problems, thinking problems and, well, I'll wait.  she did tell me to add fish oil to what I take everyday, so I did.  no change.

 anyway, that's about it on the health front.

on driving

I've got an experiment for you all.

when you meet new people, tell them  you don't drive.

see how they react.

or, better yet, try to apply for a job.

maybe this is just a Long Island thing?  it must be.

I imagine this would not be as much of an issue in, say, New York City, or some place similar.

so, let me back up a little.

I'm still not driving.  should I be?  my girlfriend is adamant that I should not.

she is afraid that I will have an accident.

even though I have managed in the past.

to say I'm frustrated is an understatement.

her anxiety over it gives ME anxiety then.

so...I continue to sit at home every day and do pretty much nothing.

almost every job I look into requires driving.  some make no sense (human resources??)

I have been trying like mad to find work-at-home jobs.  there isn't much.

the driving thing, though...

I feel the longer I don't drive, the harder it will be.

I mean, I once went six years and then was able to drive again.  but I don't want to do that again.

I am way too young to just be a passenger.