why are we settling?

so I had an appointment today with the nurse practitioner.

this is with the practice that diagnosed my balance disorder and now treats my migraines and fibromyalgia.

they also track the balance disorder, but basically feel that since I've been through balance therapy and, since I've had it for so long, there's nothing more to be done.

however, I think that is a load of crap.

and I'll tell you why.

they've only recently diagnosed this disorder (well recently in the scheme of things considering how long I've had it) and I've had a whole lot of improvement since they have AND ALSO

since then they also discovered that I have herniated discs in my neck.

now, the nurse practitioner gave me this little gem today.

she said that "most people have herniated discs and have no problems with them."

may I take the time here to call bullshit?

seriously now.

they discovered these herniated discs in my neck, not on accident, but because I was HAVING PROBLEMS WITH MY NECK SO THEY DID AN MRI!

she said that, unless the herniated discs press on nerves, do they cause headaches or tingling in the hands.

DOES SHE EVEN LISTEN TO THE THINGS I HAVE BROUGHT UP IN MY VISITS?

I have been going there for at least a YEAR for migraines and telling her that the migraine medicine does not work.

and, I have gone for an EMG IN THAT OFFICE for TINGLING and NUMBNESS of my hands, which has gotten progressively worse.

can somebody please tell me how what I said is DIFFERENT from what she said?

ok, so she decides that I can see pain management for the treatment of my migraines (I guess that's what I'm going for pain management for...I am still planning to bring up the whole hand tingling thing to them anyway), and that will involve shots in my neck or shoulders, so that is listening to me, I guess.

then she does my neuro part of my exam and that makes me dizzy.

it's the looking down that does it.  doesn't that say something?  it's still my neck.  why can't someone put two and two together????

it happens on a delay, too, not immediately, but within, I guess 4-6 seconds. and lasts quite a while.

it comes in waves, too.  awful.  thinking about it makes me want to get dizzy again, but I'm fighting it.

I don't understand why I can't discuss these issues with a neurologist, you know?  why do I have to keep having a nurse practitioner GUESS at these things?  it's really pissing me off!!

every time I TRY to make an appointment with the neurologist, the staff tells me that I am just MAINTENANCE and that I only need to see the NP, but I don't feel that this is accurate.

I don't know about other patients, but I have had this vestibular thing for almost 13 years.  that's a HELL of a long time to be dizzy.  we are talking almost ONE THIRD OF MY LIFE.  I am sick and tired of being dizzy, to be perfectly honest.  and I imagine, so is everyone around me.  it's draining physically, mentally, emotionally and financially.

so, WHY IS IT that MY issues are less important than any other patients?  I am not what I would call better.  I am not satisfied with the extremely casual attitude the NP had today when she said to me, "some people have vertigo for a very long time."

it has not even been considered that my vertigo is coming from the problems in my neck.  I have been to physical therapy for neck MANY YEARS AGO.  WHY IS NO ONE CONSIDERING THIS??  HOW DO I GET SOMEONE TO LISTEN?

I guess I'll try the pain management doctor, but who knows?  this is almost, but not quite as frustrating as when I had no diagnosis at all.

and, from what I see from others like me, it happens all the time. our issues are, somehow, less important.

go on any vertigo message board and you'll see dozens of frustrated people just like me. or worse. it sucks.

long time...update

it's been a long time since I've updated this blog.

things were kind of the same for a while, so I guess I didn't have anything to say.  I was going around most days not really dizzy, pretty much avoiding things that would make me dizzy.

day in, day out, I felt like a prisoner of my inner ear.  I still do.

it got to a point where I said enough is enough.

I hadn't been driving for, what 3, 4 years?  it was time.  so I just started.

first it was out of necessity.  a little here and a little there.  my daughter needed a ride to school or a ride back from drama.

then, it suddenly became part of our routine.  ha.

I also got a job. a tiny little part-time job, but a job nonetheless.

I did discover that I can't see at night to drive.  at least not now.  I made an appointment to get my eyes checked out, but I suspect that might be a permanent problem.  I never was a good night driver.

the eye doctor I am going to see also is a neurologist, so hopefully he will understand my balance issues and my convergence issues.  it's always an adventure when I go to a new eye doctor, so I don't know.

on top of this, I've been getting more and more arthritis, and the other day, I suddenly couldn't walk on my ankle.  it got so bad, my partner insisted I go to the ER (I was just going to go to an orthopedist, but she insisted). they didn't see a break, so I'm thinking it's probably part of this arthritis ridiculousness.

at the ER, they prescribed Vicodin and a high dose of Ibuprofen for my ankle.  I've been taking it for a couple of days.  I've been careful to be conservative in how much I take since I already take other meds on a regular basis.  however, I have been getting dizzier than usual, and I can only assume that it is side effects from the medication.  also, I learned that trying to walk on the crutches the hospital gave me was a complete no-go and made me off-balance and spacey as well.

I'm going to an orthopedist the same day as the eye doctor, so we'll see what he has to say.  I feel like I'm falling apart.  just when I'm making a few steps in the right direction, poof, things go to crap. oh well, gotta keep on keeping on.