vertigo happens

Yesterday's therapy was definitely interesting.  They called in the troops.  (Have I mentioned that I love this place?  I will, about a million times.)

At first they were puzzled at my relapse.  I was doing so well.  Yeah, I've heard that before.  But I knew not to panic this time.  These people taught me that.

These particular therapists were not my "regulars," so I explained how long I'd been at this, and what could possibly be at work here, my new medication, the weather, or just because.  Just because this is the third January in a row this has happened to me.  For no other apparent reason than it being January.  Only this time I've been doing everything to prevent it and it still decided to happen.  So, I guess my vestibular system really, really hates January for some unknown reason.  

The aide knew he couldn't do anything with me, so he called in the assistant who was supposed to be working with me (often at physical therapy establishments, therapists or assistants who work with patients will have aides go through exercises or therapies with patients who are doing well, especially when said therapists or assistants are finishing up with their last patient.  It's common practice.  I have seen this in every establishment I have been to -- sometimes they even employ the services of interns for this purpose).

The assistant came in and evaluated my situation.  He saw I was in a bad way, so he said he'd do a Hallipike maneuver to see if he observed any nystagmus.  He had me sit down with my legs in front of me then dropped me down quick with my head to the left.  As I felt the familiar dizziness come over me, he told me that he did, indeed, see my eyes pulse, or move, or whatever nystagmus looks like.  He had me collect myself and then repeated on the right.  I felt fine and said, "no, this side's ok." Just as the words came out of my lips, the world spun out of control and my eyes started fluttering.  Rolling around in my head like something out of a horror movie is more like it.  I heard his voice from a foggy distance, "what's happening?" and I knew I had to answer or he'd think I was seizuring.  "That's just my body's neurological response," I tried to explain.  I felt like hell.  He had me ride out the dizzy wave and then had me sit up.

He called in someone else, whom I assume was a therapist, and we then worked on eye exercises and head turns, all seated.  This was a far cry from what I had been doing this past few months, but vertigo happens.

My "homework" is simple, back-to-basic seated exercises.  And, yet, they still make me dizzy.  It is what it is.

I had one moment today of "what if?" (what if I never get better?  what if the exercises never work?  what if my condition never improves?  what if I can never go to work?).  My partner said we'll get by.  I love her for that.  I hate that I have to ask.  But, apparently, vertigo is going to keep on happening and happening and happening and...